Winning friends and influencing people

Many people believe, albeit falsely, that being an infant is about having diapers changed, restless sleeps and projectile vomiting. That is so passé. As a social force, we babies have evolved from the cloth diaper era to the Diaper Genie Age. Avant gardism now is about cunning infant individualism. Now more than ever swagger and style are our selling points. Forget the soft giggles or shy smiles, to be recognized now we must stiffen those weak neck muscles and belt out semi-structured vowel-consonant phrases at the man at the opposite end of the food court.
Yesterday Papa and I were in Children's Place perusing the merchandise as Maman and Grand-maman finished their lunch. Decades ago I would have been forced to behave myself and would be hushed if I uttered anything out of line. Now I can speak with everyone. There is not a person, sales clerk or shopper, who I didn't offer a sampling of my trademark smile and infectious laugh. When I was tired of grabbing and munching on the little pom-poms on the top of the toques, I reached for the nice big hangers, which are perfect for chewing. Was I the centre of attention? Of course. You can bet everyone knew I was in that store. And it should go without saying that I walked out with a cute little winter toque (fully equipped with the aforementioned pom-pom) and an adorable red hat with flowers festooning the front.
In the Diaper Genie Age there is no such thing as too precocious.